I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's get the cat blown out
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize