I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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