i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
