READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
