I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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