Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
