Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
