I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Boobs speak an international language.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
