I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
