when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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