Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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