from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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