her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
