when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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