i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
