Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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