I'm laying in your front yard are you home
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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