If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
