I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This toilet bowl is my home.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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