"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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