His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
