dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And then my night got REAL pukey
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
