You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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