Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
