1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
another moral hangover. fuck.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
