They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I looked at my own cervix.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
