I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
