I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Houston, we have a blender
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize