Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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