I showed him my bush... on skype.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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