May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
