I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize