I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Bring me that man meat
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
