just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
