i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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