So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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