I accidentally burped into my bong.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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