i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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