Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
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