Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
