just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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