I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found puke in my bra..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
