Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
