# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
