True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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