I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
