For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
