Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
