what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
