It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
