Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
