I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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