I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize