I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
