Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
