I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
