thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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