I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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