He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
