That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize