it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
