I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
