When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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