The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
