just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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