suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
