Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
