There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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