Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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