i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
