Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
