So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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