dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
